Its so funny to wake up one day and realize you've been taken for a wild ride. The reactions vary from sadness to anger to just plain out feeling very insulted.
Now I won't feel sorry for myself for allowing myself to be taken for a ride. Things happen, it was not a bad thing to trust people. Maybe there are less people in the world you can trust given how the world is turning out to become.
Do I come across as a desperate housewife who takes on scraps in order to survive? I just want to be financially independent, I'm not a total indigent.
I had plans a few months back. Plans that were ironed out to the T. I already had a budget to work with, and it was just a matter of waiting for the right opportunity, I knew I'd reach the goal I set for myself. Then something else came along and all the plans I laid out for myself went haywire. I gave it a lot of thought and even made a pro-con list just to make sure I was changing my well laid out plans for a better one. Given that matrix, I let go of all the previous plans I made for a new one.
Today, I regret having changed those plans. What did I lose in the process? Opportunity to earn for the length of time I was made to wait. The opportunity meant a year-long term of secured employment with perks you can't refuse. What are those perks? I could work and be near my children at the same time. I lived where I worked and even if it isn't as glamorous as corporate life, I could run the systems with my eyes closed. It was something I loved doing and I woke up everyday looking forward to going to an office that was four doors down the road where I lived. Even with the load of work, I enjoyed it tremendously. I was also free to take on projects whenever there was an opportunity because I enjoy being creative, earning from it was a perk. All of that - gone, never to be regained. That opportunity was given to someone else because I turned it down for the sake of the other opportunity offered.
I have a "to-do" and "to-buy" list. That list required immediate employment. As in "immediate" employment. The opportunity I lost could have settled those two lists in less than 2 weeks. I was made to wait more than 3 weeks earning nothing, doing nothing but wait. I was given the impression approvals were obtained prior to the offer only to find out the cart was placed before the horse. My hands were tied, so were my feet. I followed the requirements and waited patiently and silently. Until eventually, I lost my patience, trust and belief in that opportunity. My personal time-lines could not wait. I could not wait. I waited long enough. Because had I took on the first plan and stuck with it, I would not be a burden to friends and family. But now I am. All because I trusted someone who could not even give me the courtesy to personally inform me for the reasons for the delays.
Now burning bridges is not in my vocabulary. But there's always a first time for everything. I've always been a forgiving soul, a very patient understanding person. But not when I've been taken for a ride.
I don't know if my personal reasons for being so disillusioned is logical or even understandable but they are my reasons and the worst part of it, my capacity and ability to earn steadily has been affected very badly because its gone. So what now? I no longer have any faith in that opportunity I turned my life upside down for. I placed my life on hold for what? I lost my best laid out plans for what?
And I cannot even vent about it? I'm way beyond upset. I am way beyond disgust. I feel very very insulted. I feel very very disillusioned. I feel very very bad that I've been sick in the stomach for a week already. Friendship is out the window. I have no friends when it comes to what they've done or failed to do negatively affects my life on the long term basis. I can forgive a fault, a mistake. But not deception and dishonesty. None disclosure of the real status is dishonesty. Making me believe I could start immediately is deception.
But heck, I'm just a desperate housewife taking scraps to survive right?
Yeah right.
