Motherhood's Redemption

It’s hard to summarize in a short note how a mother feels. There are not enough words to put into writing just how extensive we as mothers – feel about our children even when they’re all grown up and have children of their own. Most of us wake up one day to find ourselves either neglected by our spouses or left alone to our own devices. And I share with you my own thoughts on “motherhood” not because of the pain I have in my heart as a spouse but for the joy I feel in my soul for my children that I can take all the tests fate decides to throw at me. 

It's been said so many times that mothers would die for our children. A mother's relationship with her offspring goes beyond flesh and blood. This is where all mothers stand-out. I’m not saying fathers do not belong in this category for there have been thousands of fathers literally dying for their children as well. 

But then there are those who leave. Leaving all parental responsibilities to their wives is sometimes inconceivable and completely irresponsible. And when emergencies occur, we get blamed for 'not doing our jobs’ and we are expected to be at the forefront of every single moment of our child’s waking hour. There is no such thing as a ‘first-time’ mother. Our children are all unique and vary from one sibling to another and the only thing they have in common is us, us moms. 

We, as mothers; have sacrificed our personal and professional growth, leaving our careers to become mothers and wives. We nurture, care and teach our children to be fair, just and compassionate to others to the best of our human abilities. We often just turn a blind eye to our husband's lack of moral, social and simple common sense, and we strive to make the home a happy place to come home to no matter how tired we are or how our moods might dictate otherwise. I can go on and on about how we as mothers play the various roles we are dealt with and in wearing the various hats we are given. And there will be days that we feel so unappreciated, neglected, forgotten and ignored by the very same people we chose to dedicate our lives to. To be told that children will always be children and men will be men no matter how good, decent, or moral they seem to be isn’t always a ‘good enough reason’ for us. It isn’t an excuse. 

I appreciate women in this category; women who can muster any storm because I’ve been there, some of us have been there and some of us might find themselves in the same situation in the future, hopefully never. We will never receive medals or public recognition, but family recognition is what we crave for. To hear the words “thank you Mom” or “I love you Mom” is somehow an exercise in futility in some families but it does not mean we are not appreciated nor loved. But yes, we do want to hear it, let alone feel it. Simply because we deserve it, we need to hear it; we need to be recognized for it because that will sustain us. It is the food for our souls and the fuel that keeps us going. 

We are darn good mothers. No contest, hands down. We will not take the heat even from our children because we love them too much. And in loving them - If they need to learn from us and from their own mistakes, then so be it. We guide them with a firm hand because in doing so that is what love is all about. “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” There is nothing wrong with scolding a child when he does wrong. It is in how we tell them they are wrong that they realize the basics of being humane and being responsible citizens. 

If our husbands have failed us, then it is their loss not ours, although we do take the brunt of it because that's how life is if we happen to become single parents even when we’re married. Yet we stand up strong and more confident of ourselves. It is in taking the negative and turning them into positives that we as mothers become strong. It is in being a happy person that our children derive the best lesson of survival from us. But yes, we are just humans and we have our moments that we as human beings need to feel and hear the simple yet very important thing that would keep us going like that rabbit with the drums attached to a battery. 

 Appreciation and to be thanked for all the late nights, the back aches, the endless worrying, the attention, the tears we’ve cried in the confines of the bathroom not wanting to be seen by our children and spouse. We do it all because of our children. Indeed, being a mother – whether we are full time mothers or career mothers – it is the hardest job of all. It is a twenty six-hour day and a nine-day week for us and we get no vacation leaves, no sick leaves, an annual bonus would be a huge plus of course. But kidding aside, it IS the hardest job in the world. 

We multitask, doing eight things all at the same time even when we’re in the office or even a PTA meeting. The moment our eyes open in the morning, our first concern flies to the family’s breakfast, the uniforms or office clothes, leave instructions with the nanny or helper, attend to a thousand and one things under a certain time limit because when its time for the school buses to arrive, our minds go into hyper drive and its time for the evening routine to begin. Tutoring, mentoring, talking to the kids, listening to the kids, preparing snacks or dinner, cooking and getting “mommy I need help” breaks in between it all. What more if we did not have household helpers? 

And it is harder for those who work in an office because we still do the same things when we get home. The travel to and from work is the only time we spend alone but even that time is filled with thoughts of what the kids might need that you can get along the way, if you’re going to pass by the grocery to get snacks or a ‘prize’ for them, is it going to be ice cream and cake or shall it be something else this time? Our roles as mothers never end even when they grow up and get married one day, our roles extend all the way to the day when they themselves become parents also. 

In the eulogy of our lives someday, our children will miss us but at least they have learned something from their mothers and continue our legacy with their own offspring’s. That's going to be our legacy to our children. We might not be remembered as wives but we will always be remembered as mothers and that goes beyond flesh and blood.   

[Printed in the May 2010 Edition of Enrich Magazine]