The Cycle of How Life Should Be....

When it comes to children, anyone with a decent sense of parental concern would know where I’m coming from. After more than 6 months of being unemployed, I still do not regret the decision I made of resigning because it was not a decision made on a whim.  Those closest to me know it wasn’t a decision that was easy to make given the weight and freedom of being financially independent and being able to provide for the kids that job gave me. I loved that job, I loved my boss. I loved the people I worked closely with. But when one is no longer appreciated for anything done at all, there is no point staying where you are no longer wanted.

Emergencies happen. Shit happens. No one wants it to happen but it happens. But when your absences during such emergencies are used against you, it only goes to show the kind of people you work with, the kind of management you work for. No heart. No soul. There, I said it. And even if you reason out or try to explain yourself, what is the point? “REGARDLESS” of whatever reasons I may have had for those emergencies; it affected “company” expectations. Or so they say. “REGARDLESS” of whatever reasons I had, I was still absent. As if these people did not know what I was going through during those "emergencies". Hanging a carrot on the end of a stick for me was never a game I played well. Neither do I do that to other people professionally or personally. So I left. I don’t like playing games.

Looking back I thought I had purged those demons out of my system but just writing it down has already made my pulse race, my chest tighten and the nape of my neck numb.  

 

When I have an emergency at home, it is usually something no one else can take over for except me; being a pseudo-single mother. You do not pit a mother’s children against her job. You do not make her choose between her children and her job. You do not make empty promises to a regular employee being dodge-balled from being on probation to regularization to probation – it simply isn’t done, it is totally unheard of. It’s not as if I went out wake boarding while my 2 kids were down with dengue in separate rooms on opposite ends of a hospital floor or I went to Indonesia for a weekend making up an excuse that my daughter overdosed on sleeping pills. Unlike other employees, when I am absent from work, I am definitely down in bed sick and not off to Singapore or Bali or Indonesia making up some sick excuses over the weekend.

But that’s me, that’s them. I have more dignity than that to eat that kind of garbage every day. To each his own....

On hindsight, God had a reason to make things the way they were and how He opened my eyes to it all. I was needed home. Very needed at home. And God provides – in one way or another – through people who love me and care about me. He has also shown me who should be avoided from now on, who promised to help then left me hanging out to dry waiting for nothing. It was a cleansing season for Him, for me to purge out whatever demons I had, to purge my circle of trust as well and the grace to accept things I can no longer change as well as to trust in His plans.

I found love as well. Unconditional unconventional and unheralded love. It has its pains, it has its hardships, it has its own set of heartaches but it is here and it is now. God does provide from the least unconventional and unexpected places and people – and we’re not talking material stuff here. Someone who will nit-pick your brain to keep you going and never be stagnant, to never give up and keep going no matter what. I was given that and I am grateful. I can be very strong and courageous for my children simply because I have to be, I need to be. But when I am alone and I feel those walls caving in on me, a strong arm comes and gets me, picks me up and pushes me to move. Sounds harsh? Nope. Because it’s done with love. 

So God provides. Through other people He has made me feel I am not alone. And through other people my load has been lightened and provided me with just enough strength and belief to take another step forward, to look forward to another day to either inspire or be inspired, to help or be helped. The cycle of how life should be. There’s been an abundance of blessings and it is so hard to see those blessings when all you get are negative downpours. My love has been the umbrella keeping that downpour at bay enough to make me see the positives from the negatives. I wake up to my love; I go to sleep with my love.

As hard as the past months have been, I am grateful for the blessings. As you should too. No matter how hopeless it may seem, how bleak the future might look, there is always a silver lining somewhere. I thank the Lord for all of it.

For Keeps

It took a while for the plans to pan out but eventually "the" day came and it was a reunion of sorts. A birthday celebrant comes down from the mountains to be with the land dwellers, a hermit comes out of a long seclusion, mother nature leaves her brood, a fighter leaves her gloves behind, a daughter taking a well deserved break.. while the rest have their own kingdoms to take care of. In one fateful weekend, we all come together. 

It wasn't long before old links were renewed and stories from the olden days were told and retold, relived and remembered. The travel alone was long by minute standards yet no one even noticed that hours have passed. Majority have never been to these parts of the woods, our tour leader breezing past the zigzags, twists and turns of the roads paved with greenery on both sides. Even at night time, there was that feeling of adventure that clung thickly on everyone. The two vehicles sped into the night trying to get to a destination by dusk. 

At dusk, the breaking lights of the sun started showing from the east. Breakfast, a good stretch, several puffs of smokes and we're off again. Most everyone enjoyed the scenery, the conversation, the jokes. Communication between two vehicles wasn't even cut, both keeping an eagle eye on each other at every curve, at every turn.

By the time we reached out destination, several hours have passed. We left in the darkest of night, arrived with the sun high in the horizon. Lunch. 

After which another couple of hours once more until we finally parked the cars in the paternal home of our host. Fresh air, fresh breeze. No pollution, except for the incessant Gangnam music playing from across the street in a nearby public school. All was well and the adventure wasn't even beginning.

Settling down, coffee, smokes, a tour of the grounds, a deep appreciation for the history that came with this family. A family valued by their neighbors, old school patronage and respect. The grounds were wide, trees everywhere. A tennis court that's open to the public on private grounds, a volleyball field on the opposite side. Two bamboo huts to converge at. And converge we did. The ambient weather was fresh, cool and a welcomed change from the pollution of the Metro. It made everyone bubbly, happy, talkative and eventually relaxed.

After dinner, the long hours traveling did nothing to put the energy of the group down. Drinks and good conversation. Eventually, the sand man came to visit and everyone retired to their assigned rooms. Waking up bright and early to proceed to a second destination. All information was kept at a minimum. After the morning coffee, we loaded up bedding and loaded up all the baggage once more and we were off.

Breakfast was at the city, our second host met us there. A down to earth man in white tees and loose denims and slippers. No one would even think that he owned the restaurant we were at, no one would even suspect. After the meal, we went on ahead, went to a sports complex, stayed for a bit and after a call, we went off again, this time, to the main reason we were all out in this new place far down south of the country.The road was a rough road. Literally. There were turns and curbs you'd pray to God above for because there was no boundary, no barrier, just foliage and clear blue sky up above. We were rattled, literally shaken, stirred and the vehicle moved to the rough bumps and sudden drops of the terrain. After several minutes of non stop shaking driving up and down a mountain side without barriers, we chanced up the first glimpse of the sea.. another turn, a fishing village.. another turn.. the house.

The house was nestled smack center of a well manicured lawn with fruit bearing trees around. It faced the beach. It was isolated. We were alone. Together and alone. It was the most pleasant of places one could ever find on the face of this earth, of this country. The host and hostess – impeccably gracious, the sort of people you rarely come across in one lifetime. They welcomed us like we were not strangers even if it was the first time we shook hands.

We stayed in that lovely piece of paradise for what felt like an eternity. I could finally hear myself think. But there would be no writing for me there. I was with friends and I listened to them, their thoughts, their words, their problems. Took everything in and I was myself. My thoughts were elsewhere during my minutes of solitude. Sometimes they would linger there and I would become deaf to the conversation.

 Looking out into the horizon, endless water.  A small patch of earth dotting the horizon, another islet, another beach. The moon was another thing. It was huge. It was orange and it lit up the two evenings spent outside, beside the sea just chatting the hours away. Distant music was playing from the house, everyone huddled in their own small groups. Everyone had fun, it was a test of endurance and tolerance for some. It was a test of friendship for most. Woke up beside friends, slept beside them. Some of us lingered in bed, talking while the others slept, most chattering at the ground floor beneath us. It was as if time never came between us. No one felt the years even if our stories were telling of them.

Looking back on those days I can very well say I made each day count and did not stop to count them. I was sad when we woke up on our final morning, staying in bed whispering and talking to a good friend about life, where we’d be in the next few years and how wonderful it was to be together as a group for a well deserved break. Most of the previous “reunions” were for wakes of someone’s parent or grandparent. This was a first in years that was spent with endless laughter, thoughts and opinions.

These are days you go back on when you grow old and have nothing but memories to keep you company. It gives you a warm fuzzy feeling being around people who are so much the same in different ways. I shall add this to my positive memory bank and will probably be looking into them every time I feel the negativity of the world outside suffocate me.  No matter what the fall out maybe, we all had our own take on the break that was. It made some ties stronger, some ties a little cracked, some ties very much renewed but the bottom line, these people are keepers. The ones who will hound you until you smile. The ones who will lift you up even without them knowing that they’re doing it. The ones who will be by your side no matter how obnoxious you may be. We mirror each other and we come full circle with one another. These are real friends, the ones I intend to keep for whatever days I have left. ........Unconditionally.

Growing older.. and wiser perhaps....

You'll have to forgive the theme of this note. It touches everyone's raw nerve and that's of growing old. I'm finding it hard to compose my thoughts because I find the topic sensitive and sad at the same time.

Unlike most women my age, I'm proudly 47 years young; I am also officially menopausal since I was 38. And to those who don't know what that means, what it entails - it means the reproductive system has closed shop never to operate once more. With it comes a few major losses like the loss of skin elasticity and suppleness, estrogen levels drop like hot potatoes, mood swings are one the up-rise and libido walks out and might never visit ever again.

When I was informed 9 years ago the doctors totally took out everything - from the ovary to the uterus to save my life - I considered it a blessing, freedom in fact from the monthly crap all women have to go through and the only consolation I had was a baby boy, the last and only one I would ever have again.The OB told me to prepare myself emotionally, physically and psychologically for what's coming once the menopause was in full swing. I thought to myself - I've weathered more storms in my life, I could handle this one.

Imagine my chagrin and shock waking up a few mornings back wondering if I was prepared to lose that urge for intimacy and sensuality as a woman and if I would ever be "attractive" to a man ever again. Worse part of it, I was wondering where my sense and need for intimacy went to. Libido is such a "cheap" way of describing the need for physical contact but I'm only human, we are all only human and when we're 20, 25, 30 or 35 - we really don't pay any attention to it. The need is always there, the satisfaction is always there, and we tend to take for granted the basic instinct for wanting such - to feel human and feel needed, to make contact with another human being on that level. Some have cheapen it to a "one night stand" or something you can pay for - but I'm pertaining to something mutually shared by two consenting adults who know what they're doing, why they are doing it and they have a shared need for it. Anyone who denies it is a hypocrite.

We all have a need to be with people and we often seek out unconsciously our own hidden needs from other people. That's human nature. And I don't see it as cheap or shallow because once it is failed to be met and fulfilled - everything is lousy, everyone is faceless and useless, the entire world become 2 dimensional and narrow and gloomy. Look but you can't touch. And all we see are facades.

Now I am faced with the dread of growing "old" without feeling that need and to be scared of being rejected and humiliated for what I've become, how I've evolved. I've heard it said to my face that I am twice the woman I am now and it's usually a pun on my weight and my waist line. I think people who can nonchalantly say that to another person is totally insensitive and vain, boastful and totally insecure at the same time. Because it has caused such insecurities and pain in me as well. I have scars I cannot hide and it has dealt the biggest physical blow to my sensual ego. If I find it disgusting looking at the scars that led to my son being born, what more other people? Only I know the "value" of those scars and to be degraded and insulted because of it has kept my sensuality on hold if not forever lost to the elements of time. And I have not much time left before my body finally surrenders to the results of losing that system.

So what do I do about it? I don't know. For the first time in my life I don't know how to move on and accept certain inequities on my part. For the first time in my life I am scared because I can feel my body growing old by the minute and its not something I can stop no matter what I do or don't do. Losing a physical part of me does not make me incomplete as a human being. But it lessens my essence as a woman especially in the area of sensuality and the need for human physical contact. I'm sure someone will say - heck girl, what's your problem? You're married, aren't you? I'lll just laugh and shrug it off. The element of respect has long been lost in that department and I have certain quirks when it comes to being intimate. I need to be with someone who respects me and respects me back on the same level. No more, no less. And the essence of attraction and emotional attraction is also a big must for me. If I'm not attracted, nothing is ever going to happen even if you took 10 horses to drag me or pointed a gun to my head.

I respect a lot of people who respect me back but I am only rarely attracted to a few and more often that not, due to my own personal insecurities, I just shut up and keep quiet, take a cold shower when I get home. And more often than not, I find myself in tears in the shower and its pathetic I know. But I will have to live with it, deal with it on a day to day basis, keep myself engrossed with work to avoid thinking about it or even feeling that hole in my soul and just forever delude myself that the need is just a lie. A stupid feminine illusion of mine.

So why do I write now? I'm hoping that when the time comes and the same thing happens to you, it won't feel that you're all alone as I do now. Because this was forced upon me by circumstance and not something that happened naturally with age. I hope it would find its way to someone who has the same issues as I do and learn from it, find some kind of emotional support from it. The emptiness doesn't hit everyday. It hits when you least expect it, it hits when you have a need for it, it hits when you're praying it won't hit at all.

I also write for the men who'll take time to read it that they may understand why women are the way they are especially when this happens to the women in their lives. We're not getting any younger. We're all getting older by the minute. And we can delay it, we can do a lot of things to delay its arrival but the bottom line is - it will happen as it happened to me. In the process of the entire thing, I lost my gut as well, the nerve to take a chance and do something exciting with my pathetic life. I wouldn't call it resignation to a boring unsensual life, its more like forced seclusion from being rejected and laughed at, ridiculed and made fun of. I don't know anyone who isn't intimidated by rejection. To me, seeing myself no longer attractive by my standards is in fact rejection in itself and its hard to deal with it alone.

I pray that women stay strong and brave when they wake up one day faced with the gnawing fact that time is catching up on them. May we all age with graciousness and acceptance, to always be happy and not let anything sink us or sink skin deep. Nothing on Earth is permanent. Neither are we. But we can always leave behind the small minute lessons we've learned reaching the age that we have and move on from there to a much better life.

We celebrate Women's Month by celebrating the Strength of Women and just how far we've come.

I Don't Care....

I don’t care...

I don’t care who you are as long as you’re an educated person with a great sense of humour and pick up.

I don’t care who your friends are as long as you don’t shoot them down and you don’t shoot down mine.

I don’t care what office you belong to, we are all hard working people in this country.

I don’t care where you live; we all shit the same way anyway.

I don’t care what school you went to, we were all born naked at one point in time.

I don’t care what your annual income is; we all get screwed by the same government anyway.

I don’t care what kind of food you eat; it all goes out the same way.

I don’t care what kind of music you listen to; we all have our own internal rhythm.

I don’t care what kind of car you drive; we all get stuck in traffic anyway.

I don't care if you walk, run, jog, hop or skip, we all go to bed horizontally when we sleep.

I don’t care how many countries you’ve been to, have you been to Neptune? No one has.

I don’t care what brand of cellular phone is in your pocket, it all dies when it’s not charged.

I don’t care what your political leanings are as long as you present them in a very intelligent manner.

I don’t care who your candidate is for 2013 as long as you don’t demean and insult the candidates of other people and focus instead on telling me why I should vote for yours.

I don’t care what you have to say if all you can say is a negative note against the world we live in.

BUT WHAT I DO CARE ABOUT IS OUR COUNTRY AND OUR PEOPLE.


I care about all of us UNITED as a people working to help OUR COUNTRY survive.


I care about all of us CONCERNED about our environment and in making the world a BETTER PLACE for our children and our grand children.


I care about CLEAN AND HONEST GOVERNANCE AND TRANSPARENCY in how the government conducts its business.


I care about those who are in dire need of ASSISTANCE no matter how small our assistance maybe – a hug, a positive thought, a prayer, a simple statement saying “EVERYTHING’S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.”


I care about HONESTY and INTEGRITY in the candidates running for 2013. If they don’t have it, they’re not worth my vote.


Now if you don’t care about that, then THAT’S your problem...... not mine.

[posted in November 2009]

Motherhood's Redemption

It’s hard to summarize in a short note how a mother feels. There are not enough words to put into writing just how extensive we as mothers – feel about our children even when they’re all grown up and have children of their own. Most of us wake up one day to find ourselves either neglected by our spouses or left alone to our own devices. And I share with you my own thoughts on “motherhood” not because of the pain I have in my heart as a spouse but for the joy I feel in my soul for my children that I can take all the tests fate decides to throw at me. 

It's been said so many times that mothers would die for our children. A mother's relationship with her offspring goes beyond flesh and blood. This is where all mothers stand-out. I’m not saying fathers do not belong in this category for there have been thousands of fathers literally dying for their children as well. 

But then there are those who leave. Leaving all parental responsibilities to their wives is sometimes inconceivable and completely irresponsible. And when emergencies occur, we get blamed for 'not doing our jobs’ and we are expected to be at the forefront of every single moment of our child’s waking hour. There is no such thing as a ‘first-time’ mother. Our children are all unique and vary from one sibling to another and the only thing they have in common is us, us moms. 

We, as mothers; have sacrificed our personal and professional growth, leaving our careers to become mothers and wives. We nurture, care and teach our children to be fair, just and compassionate to others to the best of our human abilities. We often just turn a blind eye to our husband's lack of moral, social and simple common sense, and we strive to make the home a happy place to come home to no matter how tired we are or how our moods might dictate otherwise. I can go on and on about how we as mothers play the various roles we are dealt with and in wearing the various hats we are given. And there will be days that we feel so unappreciated, neglected, forgotten and ignored by the very same people we chose to dedicate our lives to. To be told that children will always be children and men will be men no matter how good, decent, or moral they seem to be isn’t always a ‘good enough reason’ for us. It isn’t an excuse. 

I appreciate women in this category; women who can muster any storm because I’ve been there, some of us have been there and some of us might find themselves in the same situation in the future, hopefully never. We will never receive medals or public recognition, but family recognition is what we crave for. To hear the words “thank you Mom” or “I love you Mom” is somehow an exercise in futility in some families but it does not mean we are not appreciated nor loved. But yes, we do want to hear it, let alone feel it. Simply because we deserve it, we need to hear it; we need to be recognized for it because that will sustain us. It is the food for our souls and the fuel that keeps us going. 

We are darn good mothers. No contest, hands down. We will not take the heat even from our children because we love them too much. And in loving them - If they need to learn from us and from their own mistakes, then so be it. We guide them with a firm hand because in doing so that is what love is all about. “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” There is nothing wrong with scolding a child when he does wrong. It is in how we tell them they are wrong that they realize the basics of being humane and being responsible citizens. 

If our husbands have failed us, then it is their loss not ours, although we do take the brunt of it because that's how life is if we happen to become single parents even when we’re married. Yet we stand up strong and more confident of ourselves. It is in taking the negative and turning them into positives that we as mothers become strong. It is in being a happy person that our children derive the best lesson of survival from us. But yes, we are just humans and we have our moments that we as human beings need to feel and hear the simple yet very important thing that would keep us going like that rabbit with the drums attached to a battery. 

 Appreciation and to be thanked for all the late nights, the back aches, the endless worrying, the attention, the tears we’ve cried in the confines of the bathroom not wanting to be seen by our children and spouse. We do it all because of our children. Indeed, being a mother – whether we are full time mothers or career mothers – it is the hardest job of all. It is a twenty six-hour day and a nine-day week for us and we get no vacation leaves, no sick leaves, an annual bonus would be a huge plus of course. But kidding aside, it IS the hardest job in the world. 

We multitask, doing eight things all at the same time even when we’re in the office or even a PTA meeting. The moment our eyes open in the morning, our first concern flies to the family’s breakfast, the uniforms or office clothes, leave instructions with the nanny or helper, attend to a thousand and one things under a certain time limit because when its time for the school buses to arrive, our minds go into hyper drive and its time for the evening routine to begin. Tutoring, mentoring, talking to the kids, listening to the kids, preparing snacks or dinner, cooking and getting “mommy I need help” breaks in between it all. What more if we did not have household helpers? 

And it is harder for those who work in an office because we still do the same things when we get home. The travel to and from work is the only time we spend alone but even that time is filled with thoughts of what the kids might need that you can get along the way, if you’re going to pass by the grocery to get snacks or a ‘prize’ for them, is it going to be ice cream and cake or shall it be something else this time? Our roles as mothers never end even when they grow up and get married one day, our roles extend all the way to the day when they themselves become parents also. 

In the eulogy of our lives someday, our children will miss us but at least they have learned something from their mothers and continue our legacy with their own offspring’s. That's going to be our legacy to our children. We might not be remembered as wives but we will always be remembered as mothers and that goes beyond flesh and blood.   

[Printed in the May 2010 Edition of Enrich Magazine]

It's Life. Deal with it.: Debilitating Grief

It's Life. Deal with it.: Debilitating Grief

Debilitating Grief

There is such a thing as debilitating grief.. when you can't feel anything else except pain and you crave for numbness. We all have our own thresholds for pain and suffering, for grief and sorrow.. we all have our own level of comfort we retreat to when all else fails and nothing comforts.

The most valuable thing you can lose isn't material wealth or some trinket with sentimental value. Its your ability to BELIEVE.

To believe that there will be better tomorrows, better days.

To believe that there is someone out there destined to be with you and love you for who you are.

To believe that the pain will go away, that you will wake up one day and be able to smile sincerely to yourself.

When you lose someone you care about - whether they go away and leave you, or if they've found someone else to be with, years of being in a relationship gone dead can be as debilitating as losing someone to death. Sometimes, there is a certain comfort in death.. its finality.. than to have someone leave you for someone else..

People often think that being replaced is the fault of the person who got replaced.. that they didn't do enough, or they didn't try hard enough.. Easy to judge when you're not in the shoes of a person who suffered the worst heartbreak ever.

To not feel loved as an equal, as a partner...

To not have a reason to wake up to...

To not have anything or anyone...

Is there any joy to loneliness? After the nest is vacated, is there such a thing as happiness in being alone?

Of course there will be people in your life. Friends, acquaintances, co-workers... but is there anyone to come home to?

Some people adjust, some people lie. Some people immerse themselves with things to keep loneliness at bay.

Some people look for others as lonely as they are, some people just stay home and wallow in their loneliness..

Easy to say "you'll find someone" or "have a relationship with God"...

Even God can't be with you.. that's the reason why He made two...

How can you believe in anything positive when belief in itself has been taken away from you? How can you reach a stage of equilibrium when your entire world has been taken away from you?

You go through the motions of life, of living... unbelieving in anything else except the pain that numbs you... and a glimmer of hope that one day the numbness ends..

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE DOTC

I sent this letter via email and bounced back... so instead, I'll post it.

====================================

Transportation Secretary Jose de Jesus

Dept. of Transportation and Communication

Dear Secretary De Jesus;

Thank you very much for considering hearing the side of the public with regards to the Toll Hike. It is indeed a heated and much debated issue since the toll fee hike was first discussed last year and implemented this January 2011.

It seems that the ripples of this coming Tsunami has not been considered by those who proposed it if they were indeed looking out for the welfare of their riding public. A 300% increase does not only affect commuters and those with vehicles, it will affect everyone - and I mean everyone, even those who do not use the SLEX.

With a 300% increase - everything - from the simple newspaper delivery to and from Metro Manila to the cargo delivery to and from Metro Manila of everything under the sun - from consumables [food, livestock, poultry, fish, vegetables, canned goods, dry goods, etc] to things used that are delivered [car parts, furniture, spare parts, appliances, different types of equipment and their parts] and even fuel - raw to processed fuel - everything will be affected. Things and produce that come from the southern part of Luzon that use the SLEX as a main artery to deliver their wares and goods will also be affected.

Delivery fees, middlemen fees, bus fares, jeepney fares, etc will jack up just cover the cost of plying the SLEX and this exorbitant toll fee charge. Prices of each and every item that pass through the SLEX will be affected and it will go up and everyone in Metro Manila and those in the southern part of Luzon will be adversely affected by any expected price increases of goods, services and other deliveries. The prices of fuel will go up, the cost of travelling to and from will go up, and this will affect everyone who travels via SLEX, parents and students, the working class and even local tourists will be affected.

Just as this country sees hope with a new administration, the prices of everything seem to be going up and to put an increase this big on such a vital artery like SLEX might and will be the straw that breaks our backs. This unfair increase isn't something that jives with the ideals set upon us when President Aquino took his Oath of Office.

I hope and pray that any increase be seen from all angles and be considered from all angles and not just of those who will benefit from this. Apparently, the SLEX isn't there anymore to "serve" the riding/commuting public nor does it appear as something that is more beneficial to the greater majority of Filipinos. I honestly feel those who manage the SLEX and insist on pushing through with this increase does not want the public to use the highway. It actually feels like entrapment because there is no other choice nor alternative to get from point A to point B and for those who manage it to loosely comment that those who object can use the "service roads" and/or alternative routes is utterly insensitive to the plight of ordinary citizens - millions of whom live at both ends of the SLEX even in and around it.

The Philippine Constitution states that the right to travel will not be " impaired except in the interest of national security, public safety, or public health, as may be provided by law." - in which case - the right to travel freely within our country is going to be greatly impaired with this increase. Of course, nothing comes for free. There has to be some middle ground everyone can benefit from. 300% increase is not middle ground nor is it a win-win solution. It is very lopsided favoring only those who proposed it and will prosper from it and they are not even Filipinos but this is on Filipino soil used by Filipinos.

I pray the voices of Filipinos be heard and the plight of the common man be addressed first before anything else by this government.

With best wishes.

Regards,

The Reason for the Season...

Its December once more and this time of year usually tugs at your heart strings and makes a lot of people very sentimental or emotional. And its funny how come they can't even put that kind of value on each and every day of the year.

Why is it that only during Christmas do they even bother putting any weight on the essence of "family" and family "togetherness" but neglect and ignore their spouses and kids all year round? Hypocrites. Bigger families "demand attendance" of each and every family member during family reunions but hardly care about anyone else except themselves all year round.. even bigger hypocrites.

After so many years of seeing this kind of hypocrisy and two-faced relations, I've vowed to keep my Christmases plain and simple, spend it alone if need be than be surrounded by hypocrites on the eve of the so-called "Birth" of the Savior. I find it very stupid to even waste an evening with people who play dual roles - those who pretend to care but don't, those who pretend to be responsible but are not, those who pretend to be good parents but are the worst kind, those who pretend to be Christians but are far far worse than the demons that hound them if they still have the pleasure of having a "conscience".

No, this isn't a "feel good" blog, not today, not this season. I have no quarrel with the "reason for the season" because apparently, its more commercialized than it is spiritual. Its so stressful to those who cannot provide and those who do not have enough and we've forgotten the real reason for the season - the Birth of the Christ Jesus.

We've taken the "season of giving" to a whole new level, or basically - taken it to its most debased level - materialism. That it isn't "Christmas" if you don't receive a gift and you have guilt-trips when you are unable to "give gifts"... plain and stupid.

God gave us His only begotten son, born of a virgin, who suffered and died FOR OUR SINS... the prayer holds the real and true meaning of the season. How many of us can live up to that? Have we even tried? I'm not a perfect person, I can't even imagine giving up my child to save strangers let alone worthless souls I have no relations to. And why should I even bother since I'm old enough to know no one else would do the same for me?

But that's selfishness and it counters the purpose and reason for Christmas which is self-less-ness...

Unfortunately, I am surrounded by those who are supposed to "take care" of me and my children who know nothing of self-lessness and can even lie about his own kids and call them names, drug users, worthless kids as he vilifies and raises his ego so high just for him to escape his own stench. So much for "Christians" pretending to be human beings.

If my children are raised in full view of lies, selfishness, egotistic behaviour, "all-mine mentality" and fooling others into believing otherwise - a snake in wolf's skin pretending to be a sheep - I wonder how my children can even grow up to be self-less human beings who prefer to help others before helping themselves, who prefer to empathize and sympathize with others than be apathetic and numb to their surroundings, to be givers without ever expecting anything in return save for respect and love...

What we give to our children as weapons to strengthen them in life, to make them better human beings, to be strong, courageous, morally upright people - is far better than any gift you can find in some over crowded department store with a warranty of one year. Lessons we keep for life have no warranties. The strength we teach our children does not expire or get worn down with usage. The love we sincerely show them is there for the rest of their lives and not forgotten after the wrappings have been discarded.

Yet some people who call themselves "responsible parents" can only measure their worth as parents on the number of digits and gifts they give, or at times - RELUCTANTLY give their own flesh and blood. And when the children lose their way at times, they are rebuked for all the things they were "given"... that they are made to feel they are not deserving of a proper education, a decent vacation, a movie once and a while, that they don't deserve new stuff, some proper attention...  instead of guiding them as parents ARE SUPPOSED to do... sad.. too much time has been wasted and sometimes it looks like its too late for that anymore.

We are not measured by the number of digits we keep in our bank accounts we hide from our spouse and children. We are measured by the RESULTS and who is loved and preferred more.. yes, it has boiled down to that - a popularity contest. We are measured by the attention we give and not the number of days we are IN the house but mentally and spiritually out of it being cooped up in the bedroom doing nothing but watch stupid DVDs instead of tutoring a small child. Childhood memories are NOT available in any department store. They are made and children are not the authors of their childhood, PARENTS ARE.

What we are as parents is the best .. or the worst thing we can give our children this season for every year that passes by and when your children begin to be reluctant attendees to family reunions - it isn't their fault - its yours as a parent. What our children become is a clear result of our being parents and one parent cannot handle everything if the other parent is still around to mess up everything. No one parent can be blamed for everything wrong or right - it took two people to make a child, same goes when things go wrong or right and when one person can't admit to a fault - I wonder who the children would look up to in the end.

There is no such thing as "me, mine or I" as a parent. Those who say that are lame excuses for a person pretending to be a human being. Parents who say that to their spouses and children have no excuse to be called a "responsible parent"... the only thing they're responsible for is for all the negative things that happen in a family. Because people like that will always blame the other spouse even their own children for all the things that go wrong without even admitting they had anything to do with it... such parents should not even be allowed to have kids. When one parent "hides" the things his children should have and deserves to have but DEPRIVES them of such - is there even enough words in the dictionary to describe such a person, let alone a parent?

So much for the season for giving....

A Small Hand

The TV is on and I’m trying to distract myself from the stress of the past 3 weeks. Its still there and I doubt if it will ever leave me. The signs of stress are taking its toll on me and I retreat into the silence of the room listening to the breathing of my young prince as he sleeps his small tender hand in mine.

My mind wanders into the events of the past weeks and I wonder how his life will turn out to be. Any mother would protect such a gentle soul from the hardships and ugliness of the world but I question my capacity for strength as I stare at his sleeping face.

The country isn’t the country it once was. If things continue the way it does, what future can one mother give him? I look at the news everyday and the news overwhelms me. People running for top seats offering lip service left and right but I begin to question their sincerity once the issue of working together AFTER the elections is raised. No one wants to work with whoever wins. Everyone wants to win but no one wants to work together regardless of party affiliation, creed or color. So where is the sincerity in wanting to uplift this country to a higher plane? Is Unity in this country dead?

The people are all going hay-wire. Mud slinging left and right as well, people bashing others for their opinions and beliefs and those who directly and indirectly target supporters. It’s an ugly mud wrestling scene with everyone joining the melee. And for what? Because everyone wants to be heard but no one wants to listen. Only a handful of people listen while the rest riot online and on the streets. Only a handful of people think while the rest go about their blind beliefs, touting signs to vote for their chosen candidate.

And I look at my youngest son and I wonder who will be the next President of this country and how his life will be based on the decisions we do now. One person cannot do it alone. We do what we can on our own efforts and endeavors, to spread the information and gather information that we can to help this country move forward. To expose the truth and sincerely help get the truth out. But one person cannot do it alone.

Given the choice and if I had the resources, I would have taken my young prince in my arms and take off. Get him away from here. He deserves a better life and being here is not a life he deserves to have. My children deserve better. And I watch the news and ask myself – are these the candidates who can give my children a country they deserve?

My question remains unanswered. I look upon each candidate and I wonder not about their sincerity but their capacity for “follow through”, to make a dream a reality and inspire people to follow his lead. They all say the same things; they all have wonderful plans for this country. They all have promises to keep eventually. And they are only human to begin with.

This coming election is vital. The country is already at the edge of an abyss tittering to fall or be rescued.  No one person is to be blamed for its dilemma. We are all to blame. In our own little way we have contributed to the deterioration of the system – our acts of omission and commission – and those who focus on commissions only instead of doing their jobs.

From the small government office in some far off municipality to that large building called the city hall to the courts to the government agencies all the way to the palace by the river. We get the government we deserve because we do not speak up. We do not think. We do not even complain about corruption because we know nothing will come out of it if we do. Those who speak out get their voices drowned in the silence of the majority.

And I look at the sleeping young boy beside me and I wonder how life would be when he turns 10 in five more years, would he have a country in shambles or a country regaining its foothold as a nation of heroes or will it be a nation of villains?

I dread the day when my children ask me one question.. What did your generation do to our future?

My question now is – what will our generation do for their future? We still have time. We have the power for change and to change. We have the voices that need to be heard and we have to stop relying on other people to do it for us. Its time for a revolution of change. And it begins with each and every one of us.